So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
