I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
