Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
