Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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