At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
