There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
