Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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