ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
