I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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