I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
