so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
