Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
