Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
