how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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