Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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