i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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