EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
