Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize