Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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