Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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