with your own penis?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
