Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
this is an emotional support booty call
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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