Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
