Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize