I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
