Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
