my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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