they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
