I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
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