On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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