I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
