two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
