life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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