whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
