I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
