I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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