I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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