So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
and you fell through a lawn chair
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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