is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
