I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
