Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
