I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize