i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
