did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
