Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Four minutes until I can fart!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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