at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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