peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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