as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
