I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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