he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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