I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
They took my balls.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
