Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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