this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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