Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize