I wannas sexs uuuuu
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
