So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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