idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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