We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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