This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize