I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
