are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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