WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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