toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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