I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
