It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This is my gift to your gina
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
