dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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