U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
