Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
