yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize