season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
