So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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