Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
