I think my vagina is haunted
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
