Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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