The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Pants are for mortals
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize